Just a joke for you

[msidoh]

A man wakes up with an unbelievable hangover. He stumbles out of bed, and blearily looks around him. The house seems quiet and the bedroom is spotlessly clean. His clothes are folded neatly on the bedroom chair. He suddenly notices his reflection in the mirror, and is aghast at the awful swollen black eye staring back at him.

Holding his head, he carefully makes his way down to the kitchen, where he finds his son casually eating toast. He sees a sumptuous breakfast and steaming coffee waiting for him. Beside his plate are two painkillers, a single red rose, and a note from his wife. He grimaces as he picks up the note. He starts to read: 'Darling, I have gone shopping but I will be back very soon. Enjoy your breakfast. I love you so much.'

The man looks at his son and says, "Er... do you have any idea what happened..?"
The boy grins, "I sure do! You came home blind drunk at 3am, threw up in the hallway and smashed your face on the front door as you fell. Mum had to drag you upstairs and push you into the bedroom. Boy, was she cursing!"

The man is confused, "So what's with the big breakfast, painkillers, red rose and love-letter?"
The boy grins even more, "Mum tried to take off your clothes and put you to bed. That's when you screamed: Get off me you tart, I'm a married man!"

[Lonny]

A self-important college freshman attending a football game took it upon himself to explain to John McCain sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon. Our space probes have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, ships and electric and hydrogen cars, cell phones, computers with light-speed processing...and more."

After a brief silence, John McCain responded as follows:

"You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young...so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little ****...what are you doing for the next generation?"
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Don't Google it, Just Bing IT!

[rogbow]

The Preacher and the Bear

A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs.That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, and he couldn't move."Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish .. please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!" That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees,clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher's feet. "Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive...
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[Lonny]

i asked my ex wife once about Red China.
not being to keen on world events,
she tells me that looks terrible on a green tablecloth.
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Don't Google it, Just Bing IT!

[msidoh]

Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
A: Bison

Q: What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
A: You can't wash your hands in a buffalo.

[Bomber]

Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
A. Because he was pissed off!


Three vampire bats live in a cave surrounded by three castles. One night, the bats bet on who can drink the most blood.

The first bat comes home with blood dripping off his fangs. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people."

The second bat returns with blood around his mouth. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of five people."

The third bat comes back covered in blood. He says, "See that castle over there?" The other bats nod. "Well," says the third bat, "I didn't."