jokes!!

[monopoly man 123]

Anyone have any cool funny jokes? If u do, reply to this post with the joke's question and and answer!!

[amoneymaker]

A ham andwich walks in to the bar and sits on the bar stool and the tender says
Hey
We dont sreve food here!!!



Your welcome

[monopoly man 123]

8 out of 10 funny!!!!

[Lonny]

Heres one I read the other day.
---
A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what you've been doing."
---

[monopoly man 123]

8 out of 10 funny!

[Jen4TheWin]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Psychology of jokes -- Interesting if you feel like reading on...

Why we laugh has been the subject of serious academic study, examples being:

Marvin Minsky in Society of Mind (1986).
Marvin Minsky suggests that laughter has a specific function related to the human brain. In his opinion jokes and laughter are mechanisms for the brain to learn nonsense. For that reason, he argues, jokes are usually not as funny when you hear them repeatedly.

Edward de Bono in "The Mechanism of the Mind" (1969) and "I am Right, You are Wrong" (1990).
Edward de Bono suggests that the mind is a pattern-matching machine, and that it works by recognizing stories and behaviour and putting them into familiar patterns. When a familiar connection is disrupted and an alternative unexpected new link is made in the brain via a different route than expected, then laughter occurs as the new connection is made.

This theory explains a lot about jokes. For example:
Why jokes are only funny the first time they are told: once they are told the pattern is already there, so there can be no new connections, and so no laughter.

Why jokes have an elaborate and often repetitive set up: The repetition establishes the familiar pattern in the brain. A common method used in jokes is to tell almost the same story twice and then deliver the punch line the third time the story is told. The first two tellings of the story evoke a familiar pattern in the brain, thus priming the brain for the punch line.

Why jokes often rely on stereotypes: the use of a stereotype links to familiar expected behaviour, thus saving time in the set-up.
Why jokes are variants on well-known stories (eg the genie and a lamp and a man walks into a bar): This again saves time in the set up and establishes a familiar pattern.

[amoneymaker]

did you write all of that because thats nice to share that kind of informatoin
your welcome

[Jen4TheWin]

[anjiebabe]

ok one of my many jokes

man walks in to a pub and ask for a pint waiting for bar tender to pull pint sits at the bar and the nuts on the bar starts talking to him says "i think your brill and giving him complants" so the man thinking this is wierd walks over to fruit machine, fruit machine starts to talk to him which he thought was wired saying "your rubbish and never going to win" bar tender comes over with his drink and the man tells in what he as heard bar tender says oh right well the nuts or
complimentary and fruit machine is well out of order
ha ha ha

[coolguy68]

What's black and white and red all over?

hint: it's not what you think

[The Big Hobb]

ok coolguy idk the answer but i really hope its not something gay haha

[coolguy68]

A sunburned penguin lol

[da_bomb]

lol thats actually pretty funny

[The Big Hobb]

yea if i was 6 maybe id find that funny haha

[coolguy68]

I resent that